How Gohan got laid
by Evil-Luna
Summary: Goten, Goku, and Gohan tell the story of how Goku and Goten tried to get Gohan to do what they all knew he wanted to do. more chapters coming. This is just for fun so RandR
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

It's not my fault he's a sissy.

Goten's POV

Okay this is how it all went "down." I was minding my own business in the woods when I heard two voices that I was pretty sure I recognized. If my senses served me right, it was Gohan and Videl, the succubus, talking in the near distance. Being the nice brother I am I decided to go save my brother from the horror that is Videl. I jumped out of the bushes (where I wasn't hiding just for the record) and scared both of the sissies.

"What do you think you're doing," Videl snapped at innocent me.

"Gohan run while she's distracted," I yelled, but he just shook his head and stood there.

"Goten go back to whatever you were doing," Gohan responds to my heroic attempts.

"Ten-four brother." I grabbed Videl's knees making her collapse onto the ground but the monster took me with her. "I have you know succubus!"

"What did you call me," Videl said grabbing me by the hair.

"I said ma'am."

"Goten please go," Gohan said taking me from Videl's clutches. He stared at me and shook his head again.

"I'm leaving. I'll see you tomorrow," Videl said walking away.

When Videl was out of sight Gohan dropped me on the ground. He started to walk back to the house and I followed close behind him. "So what were you doing?"

"What were you doing," Gohan snapped.

"Spy- I mean playing. Okay this is how it went: I got up this morning, said hello to the sun and the world, went to get my breakfast, which wasn't there, so I decided to go play with dad. When I knocked on the door he told me to go outside. Hey, I'm gonna listen to that because no breakfast, door closed, and dad telling me to go play is a-"

We continued together, "Red flag."

"Yes," I said, "Then I heard you and decided to save you from 'IT'. Is that what you were doing Gohan, was it 'IT'?"

"What! No."

"Pansy."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Goten you don't need to attack Videl every time you see her."

"Dad doesn't need to 'attack' mom but he does."

"Never mind," Gohan sighed.

"Gohan, You just need to get laid."

"What! Goten, you're seven why are you talking about this?"

"Don't make excuses, everyone knows you want on Videl."

"Goten!"

"What?"

Gohan sighed and shook his head. When we got to the house there was breakfast on the table waiting for us. Dad was already there, of course, hogging all the food. So I decided to fight him for the breakfast that came to late. After fighting dad I told him that Gohan wanted on Videl.

"Is it true Gohan," Dad said.

"No!"

"Well then why do you keep her around," I defended my theory, "You can't possibly like talking to her, she's a girl."

"Goten," mom yelled, "Stop talking like that. Goku don't talk like that to Gohan."

"Mom he's asking a simple question. Gohan just admit you want on Videl so dad can tell you how to get on her."

"I can," Dad said but we'll ignore him for a while since we only talk about him when he says important things, which is rare.

"Shut up," Gohan mumbled.

"Goten enough," mom said.

"Fine, let's take this man talk to the living room. Come on dad. Oh, Gohan you have to come to."

"Ha Ha," Gohan rolled his eyes.

A/N tell me what you think and I will continue. I need to write something stupid so I won't be so stressed and I really wanted to put something like this up.


	2. My role

Chapter two

My role

Goku's POV

Well when Goten told me about Gohan's problem I wondered how I could be so stupid. Of course he wanted to it was so obvious, but I didn't think I could tell him how to do it. I mean, I don't really do anything to ChiChi I just can't keep her off me. Ha ha, I hope she doesn't hear me.

"So what am I supposed to tell you," I asked Gohan.

"Dad you're supposed to tell him how to get in Videl's pants," Goten said.

"Oh yeah."

"No I don't want to know," Gohan sighed.

"Sure you do," I said, "But I can't help you sorry."

Goten sighed, "Dad you're worthless. I swear I'm the only smart one in the family. I must have been adopted."

"That's a joke," Gohan mumbled.

"Say that again," Goten said glaring at him.

"How can you say you're adopted? You're exactly like dad-"

"Only smarter."

"Sure whatever. The point is, you could never convince anyone that you were adopted once they saw dad, you look just like him."

"So, you look like mom. Ha Ha."

Gohan sighed, "Never mind Goten."

"Anyway, we're not talking about me, we were talking about your problem with Videl."

"I don't have a problem with Videl."

"Gohan where have you been. We're not stupid, even Vegeta knows you want in her pants and he lives millions of miles away."

"What does Vegeta have to do with this?"

"I hope you're not sadistic like Vegeta, than we might have a problem."

"Unless Videl likes that kind of thing," I had to add because I hadn't said anything in a while.

"What," Gohan yelled.

"Shh, do you want ChiChi coming in here? Now what exactly is the problem? Do you not know what you're feeling, do I have to explain it to you? I've never had to do this before so I'm not really sure where to start."

"I don't need it explained to me dad, I know what you are talking about."

"That's saves me some trouble."

"If you really what to know Gohan why don't you ask mom how she explained it to dad," Goten said.

I laughed, "She didn't exactly explain it to me-"

"Enough, I don't want to know please spare me," Gohan interrupted.

Goten snapped his fingers, "Why don't you go ask Videl to help you understand? Just go up to her and be like, ' I don't know what's going on inside my pants will you help me.' It's as simple as that Gohan."

"I'm not going to do that!"

"You'll do what dad tells you to do."

"Dad didn't tell me to do it you did."

"Uh, Dad, should Gohan ask Videl?"

I shrugged, "Sure why not."

"See, now you have to."

Gohan shook his head, "I don't have to listen to dad."

"Fine, if you're not scared of dad we'll get mom to tell you to do it."

"Good luck with that."

Goten nodded, "Yeah good luck dad."

"What why me," I yelled.

"Because mom can't refuse you."

"That's only with some things."

"Dad, do what you have to do. In the mean time I'll go have a word with Videl."

Gohan grabbed him, "No."

"It's too late Gohan, I've already made up my mind, sorry." Goten broke free and ran out the door. Gohan sighed and walked out of the room. I didn't really know what to do so I decided to try and get ChiChi to agree, you know just so I could say I tried. She was in the kitchen still cleaning up. I put my arms around her waist and she sighed.

"What is it Goku," She said turning around.

"Just say you agree with me."

"No."

"Why?"

"Goku, would I ever do that?"

"Can you make an exception," I asked smiling at her.

"What am I agreeing with?"

"I can't tell you."

"Just tell me Goku."

"No."

"Then I'm not talking to you."

"What," she didn't answer, she just went back to what she was doing, "Chichi," no answer. "ChiChi, ChiChi! ChiChi!"

"Okay what!"

"That's hard to say fast. Just say ' Yes Goku I agree with what Goten said."

"What did Goten say?"

We looked at each other for a minute and I backed off, "Nothing. Oh well I guess I tried. Do you love me ChiChi?"

"Yes, Goku."

"Thanks for agreeing ChiChi, bye!"

A/N: this is just a stupid story so take it for what it is please, no dumb reviews, but thanks to all the people that did review!


	3. Talking to Videl

Chapter three

Talking to Videl

Goten's POV

On my way to Videl's house I got to thinking, we should put on the play Rent. It would be a great idea, Gohan is a perfect Roger and Videl's a good Mimi. Bulma and 18 could be the lesbians, Bulma would have to be the crazy one cause she's crazy. Then the future Trunks dad told me could be Mark and Dad could be Collins. You who that leaves for Angel…ha ha ha Vegeta would be perfect.

Anyway that was just a random thought that I should share with dad later, back to the story. It was easy to find Videl's house since it was the only Manson in that town. The hardest part was remembering where Gohan went to school. I snuck around the windows peeking in each one to see if I could spot Videl but half of the rooms were empty. What's the point in having a big house if only two people live in it? Jeez. Finally I found her room and tried to open the window. She saw me struggling and opened for me, almost knocking me down.

"What are you doing, Goten," She asked.

"Oh Videl, strange that I find you here."

"Yeah whatever I live here."

"Sure you crazy girl," I said pushing her aside and pulling myself into the house, "How's Gohan?"

"How should I know, he lives with you?"

"Oh yeah, I forget."

"Whatever. What do you want anyway?"

"To tell you the truth I'm here about Gohan. You see he has a problem."

"Problem? That wouldn't happen to be you would it?"

"You are so funny Videl," I rolled my eyes, "but no. You see Gohan has feelings for you."

"What?"

"I don't mean loving feelings. Well to put it bluntly he wants to get in your pants as well as other places."

"What!"

"I knew you would feel the same way. Anyway Gohan really wants this but he's to shy and or stupid to act on his feelings. I'm sure you picked up on this a long time ago but he just realized it."

"Get out of here."

"He's not here, you can't do it now."

"I'm not doing anything with him now go!"

"We all no you love him so just say it."

"I'm not going to say I'm in love, because I'm not."

"Hey listen Succubus. If I had time to play this game with you we'd sing Disney songs but we don't have back up singers and I have things to do. Turns out Vegeta can't sing as well as I thought."

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind. Remember that time Gohan was teaching you how to fly and he was talking about your body. It turns out he really wants your body."

"Just go," She said pushing out of her window.

"How rude!"

I flew away to inform dad of the news. Hopefully his mission with mom didn't lead to the 'red flag' business again. I mean really Gohan has to want it from Videl, he's dad's son. Anyway when I arrived home dad was sitting on the step.

"How did it go," he asked.

"Not so good, she kicked me out. How did mom take the news?"

"She didn't but I did get her to say yes."

"Good enough. If we want them to do it we're going to have to take matters into our own hands."

"Isn't that what we've been doing?"

"No. Do you remember that movie Clueless?"

"No."

"Well they wrote their teachers letters to get them together so maybe that's what we have to do."

"But I can't write love letters."

"You don't have to, we can try to get Bulma to do it."

"She won't get the message across."

"Then leave it to me."


	4. What!

Chapter 4

What!

Gohan's POV

What is this called…Oh god, that is not what happened. Dad and Goten have this stupid idea that I want to sleep with Videl and they've been trying to get me to. They even sent me this stupid note that was supposedly from Videl but I knew better than that. It read:

My lover, Gohan,

I know that you've had your eyes on me since I first met you. Well I've had my eyes on you too and I think you're sexy! Come over to my house and I'll let you in my pants.

Videl, your lover and slave.

As if that wasn't obvious enough they were the ones who gave it to me. Then they didn't ask me what was in the letter which means they already knew. This doesn't usually happen, when I get things they are usually given to me not to my father or brother. So I was pretty suspicious the second they told me they had something for me I knew something was up. I really hope they didn't give Videl anything.

"Goten, I know you wrote this," I said showing the letter.

"Dear brother, I would never do such a thing," he said in that playing stupid tone.

"Shut up, all I want to know is if you gave Videl one of these letters."

"Well since I didn't write it I guess that would be a no."

"Seriously Goten did you give her one."

"No, Gohan I truly didn't."

I'm not so sure that he was telling the truth.

A/N: sorry about the short chapter.


	5. Alright

Chapter 5: Alright!

Goten's POV

So the letters didn't go over so well with my brother, he wasn't buying it. That's okay though, like they say there's more than one way to get your brother laid. Still this wasn't going to be an easy task considering the sissy that my brother is. Sure he took on a bunch of enemies and beat Cell and blah blah blah but who really cares, he still can't talk to a girl.

"Alright dad, Gohan didn't buy it so now we have to go to plan B."

Then dad got all whinny on me, "I don't even know what plan B is."

"Well I don't know either. I really thought the letter thing was going to work but it obviously didn't. Time to Brian Storm!"

"Time to what?"

It was then that I realized that Brain Storming may prove to be a difficult task for my father. Considering the fact that you must have a brain before you can make it a storm.

"I have an idea," My dad said.

"What is it dad?"

"Let's ask Gohan."

"What! We can't ask Gohan!"

"Well why not? I always thought that he was the smart one."

"First of all dad, I am the genius of the family and I am very disappointed that you would think it was Gohan."

"Oh Sorry."

"Second of all, how are we going to ask Gohan? What are we going to say, 'Gohan if you were trying to get yourself laid what would you do?' It's not going to work dad. It might work on you but not Gohan."

"I guess your right, sorry Goten."

I sighed at my father, he really is hopeless but there was no point in getting mad at him, "It's okay dad. That's a good start anyway. You were actually Brain Storming, so good job. But anyway, if we can't get Gohan to make any moves maybe we need to start with Videl. So let's think, what makes girls want to sleep with guys?"

"Hmm….they're Nymphos?"

"Maybe so but I don't think that's the case with Videl."

"Well you did say that she was a succubus."

"Yeah I just say that to make her mad. She can't be a succubus they're supposed to be beautiful."

"Oh yeah. Well maybe we should send her flowers from Gohan."

"Well it's pretty cliché but I guess if that's the best thing we got we can go for it."

"We could ask Vegeta what he does to get laid."

"Dad Vegeta doesn't do anything, he demands it."

"Good point."

"We don't want Gohan to get raped, we want it to happen voluntarily."

"Right, Okay. Flowers it is. Are we going to attach a card?"

"Of course."

A/N: there you go. Hopefully I'll be able to continue writing this.


	6. Vegeta's house

Goten's POV

Visit to the Master

"And um Vegeta's suppose to help us how," that's the first thing my dad said while we made our way to Vegeta's house in the city.

"Dad how many times do I have to tell you? Vegeta is the Master."

"Master of what?"

"That's being debated at the current time but we'll figure it out. For now we have to go see him to find out what exactly he knows."

"Okay Goten, I guess that makes sense to me."

"Dad, I'll take that as a compliment since nothing makes sense to you. So thank you."

So we made our way to Vegeta's,…I mean Bulma's house. I must have been right about him being the master of something, I mean, think about it. He lives in someone else's house. A house that he didn't work for. All he had to do was marry Bulma and do her a few times and once in a while pretend he lover her. Hmm, maybe I didn't need to go see Vegeta. Guess I pretty much got things figured out don't I?

Anyway, we get there and Bulma answers the door. She just stood there and like asked us what we wanted. What the heck! What do we want?! Why do we have to have a reason to come over there? She should be honored.

"Bulma, I think you should be asking yourself why we aren't over here more," I said calmly even though I was burning with rage.

"Okay, well I'm a little busy so just come in I guess," she stepped out of the way.

"If you're so busy, then how did you answer the door so fast?"

"I was on my way to grab something."

"What," dad added. He took the words right out of my mouth.

"Does it really matter?"

I climbed up dad's shoulder to whisper in his ear, "must be something inappropriate." Dad nodded in agreement.

"If I told you, you wouldn't have any idea what I was talking about anyway. It was something for my work."

We stood there for a minute thinking. I jumped down and walked over to Bulma, "Are you a hooker?"

"No! Will you just do whatever you came here for and leave. I told you I'm busy," with that she walked down the hallway to continue her job I guess.

"Well dad, she's either a hooker or she's making Vegeta's dinner."

"What if she's a hooker that makes Vegeta's dinner?"

I nodded considering this, "I like the way you think."

We walked around the big hotel like building. I was hoping Trunks was out to play somewhere cause frankly, that kid gets on my nerves. Anyway it took us a while to find Vegeta in the mess of the house but we found him in the end. He was right where we thought he would be, in the gravity room.

"Hey Vegeta," Dad said as we entered the room. Vegeta didn't even turn to look at us.

"HEY VEGETA," I yelled to him because I was afraid he might have gone deaf.

"What," He finally turned.

"We came to speak to you about some trivial matters at our house."

"Why do I care?"

"Well Vegeta, because you have to care. You like us."

"And we like you," Dad added.

I nodded, "See. Anyway we need your advice. See, Gohan needs to get laid and well, dad is a ladies man but he doesn't have to try. Gohan will have to try, so we need to ask you for advice for Gohan. Since we all know you have to try."

"Are you sure he doesn't like boys?"

"Well I don't know, but in all fairness Videl is basically a boy anyway. So tell us your secret."

Vegeta just stared at us for a second like an idiot and then he just turns away! He turned away like we didn't even exist.

"Hey Goten," Dad spoke again.

"Yeah dad."

"Aren't we supposed to be getting flowers?"

At this point I had to slap myself in the face. Duh! We forgot about the flowers. So we decided to leave Vegeta's house, his advice would have just been to rape her anyway.


	7. Later that Night

Later that day

Gohan's POV

I invited Videl over later that day, or she wanted to come over. I didn't think it was a good idea since dad and Goten were trying to do whatever but she insisted. Mom wasn't too thrilled when Videl came over but mom's never thrilled about anything so I ignored it.

Dad was sitting on the floor in the living room when we came in. He looked at us but only gave us a little smile. I thought we were safe but Goten popped out from under the couch cushions when Videl sat down.

"Hi Videl," he spoke slowly to try to sound creepy I guess.

"Goten, can't you leave us alone today," I sighed.

"Gohan! I would not bother you. I just want to play a game with you guys."

"What game?"

"Life."

"Why?"

"Because Gohan. Dad and I don't think that you are prepared for the real world. So we decided that this game was designed to teach you how to live and deal with life after high school."

"Goten I don't think that the game is a 'life tool' it's just a stupid game."

"It is not just a stupid game. IT IS LIFE!"

Videl sighed, "Okay we'll play just stop talking."

"I never stop talking."

So Goten went and got the game out of his closet and pulled it into the living room. He yelled to mom to come play, so it was the whole family in the living room gathered around the game. Most of us took the path through college except Goten who said he didn't need education. We all drew job cards, I got tech support, Dad got doctor, mom got teacher, Videl got accountant, and Goten got salesperson. As for houses dad got the log cabin, Mom got the farmhouse, Goten cheated and grabbed the Victorian one, Videl got the mobile home and I got the broken down split level.

"Hey Chichi, I have a house. You can come over," Dad was trying to be suggestive I guess.

"Okay Goku."

"Keep it in your pants dad," Goten said what we were both thinking, "Anyway, I don't know about you guys but if dad's a doctor I'm going to another country for health care. I also have to laugh at Gohan for living in a broken down house and congratulate me for living in a luxury house."

"iI's just a game," Videl mumbled.

"Hey, be quiet trailer trash."

"Hey!"

I threw myself in the middle, "Let's just play peacefully please."

"Fine," Goten sighed, "But I ain't taking any crap from someone on the bottom run of society."

"Whatever Goten, just play."

We continued to play for a while and Goten ends up making up his own spaces. He gets a hissy fit every time land on one of the LIFE spaces. "Go ahead Gohan, PLANT a TREE!," he whips an extra car at my head.

"Goten calm down, it's just a game," Mom grabbed his hand and sat him back down.

"Mom, Gohan is clearly cheating."

Mom spoke calmly to him, "Goten he's not cheating, that's how you play the game. You are the one who picked your house the wrong way."

"I couldn't risk living in a dump! I couldn't."

"Okay Okay. Calm down now."

"Fine," Goten relaxed back on the floor.

Dad ended up winning the game in the end. He told mom she could come retire with him in his cabin. Mom ended up in last place so Goten didn't have anything to say about it.

After the game I decided to try to get away from them and take Videl to my room. Luckily Goten didn't follow us, it sounded like he was fighting with dad over winning the game. I sat down next to her, "Sorry about my family."

Videl shook her head, "Why are you sorry. It's fine."

"I don't know," all I could do was laugh.

"Well stop worrying about it," She kissed me.


	8. Still

Still….

Chichi crossed her arms and looked at the three boys sitting at the table. Their story thus far was not really anything she wanted to hear, she wasn't even sure if Goten was telling the truth.

"Videl kissed you," Goten yelled, "Why wasn't I there? Was it cause of my picking up women techniques."

"No," Gohan rolled his eyes.

"I bet it was."

"It wasn't"

"How Do you know!"

"Cause your techniques are stupid!"

Goten glared at Gohan, "Take that back."

"No! It's true."

"I'll kill you," Goten tried to reach for Gohan over Goku but Goku grabbed his arm.

Chichi sighed and tried to yell over them, "That's a great story you guys, but that still doesn't explain why you were fighting."

"Doesn't it mom, doesn't it," Goten relaxed back in his seat.

"No Goten it doesn't"

"Well if you hadn't interrupted the story we would have gotten there. Okay. Oh dad I think it's your turn to tell part of it."

"Oh no, I'm good," Goku laughed.

"You haven't talked in a while dad and people really like to hear what you have to say, especially mom."

Goku laughed, "Well if Chichi wants to hear it."

"She does," Goten reached around Goku's chair and pulled Gohan's hair, "Girly hair!"

"What! Ow! You're the one with the long hair," Gohan sighed.

"Yeah but mine's stylish."

Goku took a deep breath and continued, ignoring the children fighting behind him.

Goku's POV

So the next day we decided to pick up where we left off, since we were unaware of the kiss that supposedly took place. Still, Goten figured it was a good sign that Videl came over and actually went in Gohan's room alone, although he did have theories about Gohan getting scared and wetting his pants.

Anyway we decided to head to the flower shop, where ever that was. I guess it was in the city somewhere.

"Do you think we will run into Vegeta," Goten asked.

"Why would we?"

"Well I don't know. Maybe Vegeta's buying flowers for…you."

"ME!"

"Yeah, dad. I've seen the way he looks at you."

This part really disturbs me so I'm going to skip it. So anyway, we went to the flower shop that Goten apparently knew of and walked in. There was this little chubby lady who helped us out and Goten had to say something totally embarrassing when we walked in the door, "Hey, do you got any flowers that will get someone laid? We have a desperate friend."

So I had to pull him aside and explain to him he couldn't say that to people but he insisted, "Dad these are professionals, they'll know." He pulls away and goes about asking weird questions till he finally gets the flowers. They offered him roses but he insisted this girl was too plain for roses. So we settled on less attractive flowers that were mostly leaves.

"Are you sure she will like those? I would have gotten something, I don't know, prettier."

"Dad this is from Gohan TO Videl. Gohan's stupid and Videl is frumpy, it's fine."

"Frumpy?"

"Let's just go. I got a card that we can attach. I think it was free, if not I just took it."

"What do we write on it?"

"I don't something nice. Maybe we should try to trick Gohan into telling us what he would write?"

It didn't seem like a good idea, but if I argued with Goten he would just end up making a big deal out of it. We headed back to the house, but Gohan wasn't there when we got there. Goten was pretty mad but I calmed him down and we went out to play for while we waited for him to get back.

A while later Gohan finally came back, the bad thing was Videl was with him. It wasn't like really bad but it interfered with our plans. We followed them inside the house.

"Hi Gohan, and sir, I don't think I know your name," Goten smiled at Videl, but she ignored him.

"Not now Goten," Gohan mumbled.

Neither one of them said anything to use after that, they didn't even acknowledge us really. I figured something must be wrong so I decided to distract Goten from the mission for a few days and we took that time off and went to train.


End file.
